GOODBYE 2015

This has been a year of loss, blessings, huge changes and more loss…and some loss I’ve been told to prepare for, as two more family members are gravely ill.

My philosophical side says this is the process of life, but the side that refuses to detach from my heart says it is too much life too fast.

My nerves are raw, my ability to process more than what I meant to do an hour ago is all I can handle. Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in some other universe.

What I really want to do is scream, but nothing will come out – like in those movies where a character is so frightened that he or she can’t yell for help. When asked questions or when someone engages me in conversation, if I have to answer for myself and what I think, I shut down. I can’t even form the words. It might be a good thing, though. I don’t think people would want my candor right now.

So, 2015, please just go away. I’ve learned too much about grief and loss. I’m humbled to submission. In, 2016, Lord please bless me spiritually, physically and financially, so I can help others that have walked a similar path to mine. Please bless me with the peace and calm I’ve needed for a very long time. Thank you for the gift and opportunity of a new start in Oregon. I look forward to embracing it.

He sees all

God isn’t some guy behind a curtain telling Dorothy she just needs to click her heels three times. I’m glad He isn’t just some guy. He is much more. He is our keeper, confidant, provider, mender, healer and most importantly, Father.

I’m dealing with a lot of emptiness and heartache. Sandwiched around it all is facing a reality of lack when I tried really hard to be sure that wouldn’t happen. As, what seems to happen, God is showing me who is in control. My life has almost been totally erased in one way or another. At least it feels that way.

So I wait, and I continually ask and continually pray. I’m also asking God  where He is. I know He is “there” watching and keeping. His provision will come at just the right time, so I learn that He is in control. Not me.

Humbling lessons in life are very much like an itchy wool sweater that is too tight around the neck.

I look out my window at so much blessing. But my heart and emotions only notice what is missing.

Your prayers are coveted.

Cobwebs

Shaking off some cobwebs and feeling the need to write again. I will be sharing my new journey in life. Hopefully, my new path will include a lot of life and happiness.

My new path begins with a new home in a new state. For that, I am grateful beyond words.