This has been a year of loss, blessings, huge changes and more loss…and some loss I’ve been told to prepare for, as two more family members are gravely ill.

My philosophical side says this is the process of life, but the side that refuses to detach from my heart says it is too much life too fast.

My nerves are raw, my ability to process more than what I meant to do an hour ago is all I can handle. Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in some other universe.

What I really want to do is scream, but nothing will come out – like in those movies where a character is so frightened that he or she can’t yell for help. When asked questions or when someone engages me in conversation, if I have to answer for myself and what I think, I shut down. I can’t even form the words. It might be a good thing, though. I don’t think people would want my candor right now.

So, 2015, please just go away. I’ve learned too much about grief and loss. I’m humbled to submission. In, 2016, Lord please bless me spiritually, physically and financially, so I can help others that have walked a similar path to mine. Please bless me with the peace and calm I’ve needed for a very long time. Thank you for the gift and opportunity of a new start in Oregon. I look forward to embracing it.


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