Age and experience

I know I said I was taking a break, but I just wanted to share these things while I am thinking of them:

My birthday is this week, and I tend to do a lot of thinking and self-evaluation as another year of life rounds the bend.  I am very grateful for my life and the blessings I have.  While there are a few things that seem to haunt me and cause me pain, overall, as I said, I am very blessed.

The past few weeks, I have been thinking about the positives of getting older.  I’ve been noticing a change in how I think about myself.  I do still tend to be critical of myself, but I am quick to notice that no one is perfect and to put that kind of pressure on myself is a useless waste of time.

When I was a teenager, I was always concerned with the superficial things found in material items and even in relationships.  At the same time, as any teenaged girl is given to do…I had that false sense of thinking I knew what I wanted (the ladies can back me up on this).  I see it everyday in my students.  They seem so confident and focused.  They have their eyes on the future; however, at their tender age, what they don’t know is that there will be all of those potholes we all hit…all of the distraction, hurt, good things that sideline our dreams and aspirations, and the not-so-good things.  They see the potential and the dream of the future.  With some maturity and some experience, though, I’ve realized that taking one day or week at a time is probably best, now.  Having dreamy-eyed hope and a belief that my goals are a 100 percent obtainable and that my path is limitless…well, that is the dream that belongs to a kid who doesn’t know better…yet.

When I was that wide-eyed kid, I had hopes of being a wife and a mom.  That’s all I wanted.  Well, I’ll be 42 in a few days…don’t think it is happening for me…at least the mom part.  Even in that disappointment, and I admit freely that disappointment (when my kids ask if I’m  married and have kids, I do have a hard time fighting back pain in front of them), I’ve had to adapt and find a life for myself that I didn’t dream of:  going to college at a non-traditional age, succeeding greatly, and then becoming an educator.

Then there are those things I thought I wanted as a younger girl, that as I got older, I realized, I wasn’t ready for them or would not  have been happy if I had them, because, again…with age comes experience.

That experience in life is priceless.  As I get older, I feel myself settling into the foundation, like a house.  There might be a few creaks and cracks, but the house is sturdy and loved.  A lot of life has taken place in the house.

I know what it is like to sit and enjoy some quiet and to not have to be out and about all of the time, when at one time, all I wanted was to flitting here and there.  I know what it is like to smile in a very contented manner because I just had a good time sitting watching television with a friend or just going to get some coffee with a friend.  I can truly appreciate not having the angst of a young teen or even as a woman of 10 years ago—not caring too much what others think and enjoying the moment.  I’ve even started to embrace some of my jiggle (would be nice if other people would, but hey, can’t win them all).

I often tell my teen girls that I would not trade places with them at all.  I don’t miss the false confidence and falsely thinking I knew what wanted.  When we are young we have stars in our eyes and are blinded by the flash and dazzle of what we perceive to be the wisdom and worldliness of those older than us.  We follow them like pied-pipers.

Now, as I get older I realize, we are all pretty screwed up at times.  However, when we embrace our imperfections and our ordinary mundane selves…then we are real, we are honest, and we are adult.


Some time off

Hey folks,

I’m taking some time off of the blog…couple of weeks.  I don’t feel like a very fun person right now, and well, another suck-ass birthday approaches.  Frankly, I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster for a few months for various reasons.  I’m fried.  I’m a bit done.  And well, I just don’t know which end is up and why I have some sort of voodoo curse on me.  I’m convinced there is one, that or it is freakin’ Ground Hog Day a couple of months early.

While I attempt to sort out my brain, emotions, and life in general, please visit the blogs on my side bar.

I will be back–just need to not think about the blogiverse.

Love and light for the world

As we approach the holiday season, many folks get into a very generous, giving mood, even finding themselves wanting to do good and/or make the world a better place.
In that spirit, here are the blessings I wish for the world this holiday season:

1.  I hope that Taylor Swift gets a severe case of laryngitis…rendering her unable to sing.  Oh wait…she’s already got the unable to sing thing covered.

2.  I wish Cher success in her decades-long hobby of house-flipping, so that we do not have to endure another movie release that 1.  is a crappy movie to begin with, and 2.  so we don’t have to listen to her vapid views on current events.

3.  It is my most fervent wish that bacon be declared a health food…then hippies will look healthy.

4.  I wish the world would embrace the jiggle.  Everyone would so much happier.

5.  And my final wish for the holiday season is that The View be sent out to pasture…well, they do employ cows and they need to be out grazing somewhere instead of spewing stuff from their second stomachs.

Don’t save a place in line for me

There are a few things in life I can guarantee you will never see me do.  Two of them are stand in line for a doll experiencing Cabbage Patch Kid levels of popularity and taking part in the Black Friday mayhem.

I have little patience when I am in crowded places.  I get hot, impatient, and don’t want to deal with the stupidity of others.  (Maybe it is leftover grrrr from the mosh pits.)  Now, if I were to add to that people focused on buying a doll for a kid who will probably play with it for a day and those crazed bargain hunters…you might need to get me some bail money.

So…THIS is something I presume to be in the news a lot, with mothers in Wal-Marts beating the crap out of each other to get one for their little tikes.

Me?  I’ll be at a Flyers game, thank you.  I’d rather watch hockey players beat on each other while I have a pretzel and a Coke.

So…how you doin’?

I can’t explain it.  I’ve been feeling wonky the past few days.  I get really obnoxious and irritating…well, that is my perception.  I know my blood sugar has been a little low and I’ve been really stressed out with work, but wow.

So, if in my dealings with any of you, at any level, here on the blog or otherwise, you have found me thusly, I’m sorry.

I need a vacation, I know that much.

You know what I think put me over the edge?  Aside from drive from Hades, Sunday, I found out via a third party that my district’s superintendent sees my school’s faculty “as a problem” and that we need to “be broken”.  Yeah, we only send kids to the best colleges in the country and to top universities in other countries.

I think all the sadness, angst, and stress of this school year is taking its toll and it is bleeding into how I interact (or overly interact) with folks.

This is my 11th year of teaching, and I have never felt this stressed out.  I have colleagues say the same thing that have been teaching longer than I have.  It all comes back to our love for the kids.

Thanks for “listening”.