Just Do It!

The past year, I have been blessed to be able to lose a little more than 50 pounds (maybe closer to 60). When I got ill about four years ago and then when I took medicine that was supposed to help me, I gained A LOT of weight on top of already needing to lose weight. It has been an uphill battle, but I have been able to turn my back on the fattest of fat stores to shop at the other two, trendier shops. Next stop? Any freakin’ store I want. However, it is a long road and it really sucks to do it alone.

Ssssteve at First with Flair wants to lose weight this year and he has challenged Wyatt to do the same. Wyatt extended that challenge to me and then to anyone else who might need to lose some weight.

I see it as a win-win. I am competitive AND I hate to have guys see me fail at something. I end up working a lot harder when I’m accountable to a guy. Yeah, I’m trying to figure it out, myself.

So, if you feel up to the challenge, do your own thing, lose weight in a healthy manner. Feel free to add to the moral support. I’ll be cheering for Steve and Wyatt, no matter the outcome.

Health is more important than a cheesesteak. (That hurt.)

I’ll be posting my progress Saturday mornings. I will just post the progress or lack of progress. I’m a girl–I’m not putting my weight.

When you see the numbers get pretty high, don’t become alarmed. I’ve got a lot to lose.

Hopefully, this time next year, I can say I met my ultimate goal. For now, June 30 is the “final” weigh-in.

Here’s to good health, guys!


Predictive Pimping

This is the time of year that people like to predict what will happen in the year to come. Since looking at such things make me anxious and I really don’t want to know what disasters await the world, I thought I’d make some predictions of my own.

Seeing that I don’t own a crystal ball and I’m out of loose tea, I tried coffee grounds, but they didn’t work as well. I just kept seeing a pack mule hanging out with some guy named Juan.

However, since I’m from Jersey, I found Zoltar at the local boardwalk. He lacks some personality, but I got enough from him to give you all my (read: his) predictions for 2008:

Movies: Given the success of Tim Burton’s interpretation of Sweeney Todd, he will up the ante by turning Airplane! into a musical with its biggest cast numbers being a remake of “Jive Talking” and an original song, “Don’t Call Me Shirley.” Richard Simmons is slated to choreograph.

Music: Britney will realize that there is such a thing as bad press and will put out (heh) a “best of” CD that will send her on a world tour for two years. This will bring much relief to her children and to the drivers on Hollywood’s roads.

Television: In an effort to bring back family-friendly programming during a continuing writers’ strike, Hollywood will run old episodes of the Dick VanDyke Show, I Love Lucy, and The Beverly Hillbillies.

Politics: When Americans collectively realize that none of the candidates for President are any good, Congress will be fired and the Founding Fathers will come back to take over. The energy created by them spinning in their graves will reanimate life (Mary Shelley and Luigi Galvani would be proud.)

World: Israel will pwn the Middle East and will give us an equal share in all the oil. Now, that is a war for oil!

Weather: It will rain, snow, hail, and sleet. There will be thunder, lightning and a lot of wind. The temperature will sometimes be hot, cold, warm, or absolutely freezing. Can I have my prize, now?

Sports: To combat steroid use in sports, all American sports agree to allow the athletes to pump themselves full of all the performance enhancing drugs they want. The fans’ on-the-edge wonderment of who will have roid rage on the field of play or who will combust from all the chemicals by literally popping a vein, will sell tickets out the wazoo. Bookies will be happy, as a whole new form of betting will open up. Bonds? He’ll retire and then be named MLB commissioner.

Now, onto the fates of some of our bloggy friends:

Wyatt and Deathlok will join Vinnie and Deathlok’s brother on the next Davos excursion. However, their return will be delayed because Wyatt will go missing. He will be found, later: connected to a frozen pool of drool, in a trance, staring at the Swiss Alps. (Yeah, “those” Swiss Alps.)

Mrs. Grim will finally win the hyper barking battle with GrimDog. A strange side-effect will occur, though. Curiously, every time she says, “no,” “sit,” and rollover, GrimJack will obey, too.

Dee will continue her radio show. After an exclusive interview with Hillary Clinton, in which Dee gets Hillary to totally melt down, Dee is offered a syndication deal with the contractual obligation to make extreme liberals cry. This will scare hippies into bathing.

JimmyB: For his tenacity as a fundraiser, CUG will be offered a job with the NRA as a lobbyist. This will make him very happy!

As the result of a freak Hogmanay incident that leaves his beer gene glitched, DBA Dude will now only recommend Miller and Schlitz beers. However, Noddy will come to his rescue by knocking DBA over the head with a bottle of Scotch. Thankfully, it will bring DBA back to his senses (heh, a pun), and they will both enjoy a swig.

Dragon Lady will stun us all! Instead of decorating for Halloween, she will shun the holiday to reenact the landing of the Pilgrims at Plymouth. Why? Well, she determines that it is less work.

Captain America will be asked to be the Philadelphia Fire Department’s next interpretor of “Ben Franklin.” At first he’s excited. However, when he realizes he has to demonstrate how to fight fires Colonial-style, in costume, he loses his enthusiasm.

Ssssteve will once again show his flair for making us laugh by writing posts again. In fact, he’ll sing his version of “Take this Job and Shove it” and become a pants model in local malls so that he can devote more time to blogging. Unfortunately, Ssssteve is fired because of a pantsless-in-the mall “incident” and Ssssteve goes back to work with his brother.

Fiar will continue his trend of beginning new blogs. He will create a fashion blog, a blog about his secret love of all things Star Wars (including the dolls), and a blog about how to combat trolls.

After finally finishing his 5 lb candy cane in time for Easter, JT will be stunned to find out that he will be given a laundry-sized, wicker basket filled with candy. The centerpiece will be a 10 lb chocolate covered, peanut butter egg. After all that sugar, JT will invent a speed metal version of bluegrass that make will make him millions. He will be a rich but jittery man.

Four bloggers: USA Admiral, Old NFO, John D., and Jimbo; and frequent commenter: Skul, will use their military experience and will band together to go hunt down Bin Laden, stuff him into a sack, throw him into a plane, and teach him how to skydive without a parachute. They will split the well-deserved reward money as true gentlemen should.

SoHos will be appointed the new border guard at the Texas/Mexico border. She will eliminate the need for any other guards, as her evil eye will be enough to keep illegals out of Texas. Period.

Jeffro will make a complete recovery from his surgery and will begin training for the Iron Man. When Jeffro arrives to compete, he realizes that it is not an air guitar competition featuring Black Sabbath’s biggest hit and he is quite bummed.

Von will go see the Foo Fighters in concert, and I will be jealous.

And my predictions for me? I will make more time for me and for my walk with God. I will also work on making my job less of an impact on my life. God will continue to bless me with good and improved health and much weight loss. I doubt there will be a man in the picture, as I am beginning to believe that such an occurrence might disrupt the rotation of the earth and we can’t have that, now can we? Well, it would just piss off Al Gore even more and he really doesn’t need to get another Nobel Prize for being an overrated idiot.

I hope you all have a wonderful year! Thank you for making mine a little brighter. 🙂

This will make you laugh. Really.

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction which would normally take less than a second to take anytime from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which some of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

(H/T: Jumbo Joke)

Rhime of the Ancient Camilla

I’ve always wanted to take one of the Trans-Atlantic cruises from NYC to England and then go on up to Scotland.

The worrier I am, you’d think I’d have thoughts of the Titanic and a feeling that I should pack my water wings, right? Nah. Hey, after all, this is the modern age. We have the most amazing radar equipment and since the tragedy of the Titanic, ships have a pretty good track record (pretty good). Omens and bad luck be derned, eh?

Well, maybe.

Camilla, Prince Charles’s mistress turned wife, failed to break the champagne bottle at Cunard’s launch of the cruise liner, the Queen Victoria. This is an omen of bad luck. They should have just hung an albatross around her neck and put her on board after that.

As bad luck would have it, 78 passengers became will with the norovirus.

While I highly doubt that poor Camilla is to blame (easy target that she is), perhaps passengers should realize that when you travel in a contained area, others might not have good habits of cleanliness, and therefore, you have to be really clean.

As luck would have it, racing great, Jackie Stewart (anyone remember him from his post-racing days on Wide World of Sports?) was on the ship and called it the “cruise from hell.”

I wonder if he called the race to the bathroom?


A little science fiction to tickle the brain

When I was younger I used to watch Dr. Who on PBS. It could be campy, dark, scary, yet really fun–all at the same time.

During the past year, I happened to see a newer version of it on Sci-Fi. However, it would be on and then the next week it wouldn’t. I guess it had a short run based on the series length.

As chance would have it, I was watching BBC America last week and saw that it is on Saturdays at 6:00 p.m. (est). And to make things even better, a new series of Dr. Who is set to begin in a few weeks (1/26).

I really like the portrayal of Dr. Who by David Tennant. He’s fun, yet quite serious when he has to be. I dare say the show is even better than the ones I had watched in the past. The show has even retained what I consider to be one of the greatest theme songs, ever.

After Dr. Who is finished for the evening, there is another show, Torchwood. I plan on watching it. It seems good.

I’d stayed away from BBC America for a little while, as the shows were getting a little stale. I’m encouraged by the programming it is now offering. I might even watch Life on Mars New Year’s Day.

Science fiction can be a lot of fun, especially when the realities of the world get to be a bit much at times. It is a nice escape.