The past few weeks, I’ve been asking God to make me into the godly woman I need to be.
Lately, I’ve felt like I am becoming more and more self-absorbed. Pride creeps in, and I think I haven’t really noticed that, in me, until now.
To be honest, I don’t know how it happened. I do know that how much I am concerned about myself and how others view me, rather than see me as an extension of God’s love is bothering me.
As I was sitting in church, today, I kind of got lost in thought. I was thinking about how some people just seem to be a beacon of selflessness and an example of God’s love. There is a pure gentleness and natural love coming from them. I don’t see that in me.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be those things. I want to be all about others and their needs before my own. In reality, if I do that, God will see to my needs and will bless me…but why can’t I get myself out of my shell to love on folks as I should?
Simple answer: Fear.
Fear of rejection. Fear of not measuring up. Fear of doing something wrong, even out of good intentions. Just stupid fear. I can see it in how I fear about my appearance, and how I fret over how others will see me. I see it in how I fret over how people will react to what I say or do.
Fear is not of God, and to top it off, something I never thought of is that all of this fear and fretting has lead to self-centeredness and pride. even a lack of modesty.
The things that I want in life are walking six paces behind fear, pride and the self-absorbed nature that comes from it.
I want God-centered relationships that are based on His love and provision, not what I can do, but that I am being used to provide love and care, because it is a calling from God.
I want to share my blessings and talents; however, there is a lot that I keep to myself…out of fear.
I want those around me to see God through me, and to want Him in their lives in a very real way.
When I do things to bring attention on myself, it no longer becomes about God, whether it be in how I am dressed, how I’ve done up and fancied my face or even in how I do my job.
Pride is pride. I need to be more about gratitude, love and service…all with the quiet, gentle spirit I am supposed to have.
All of this began with a seed of thought about modesty…it led from modesty of appearance ot modesty of thoughts.
I hope this is the beginning to me becomming a better person. I am grateful that God has taught me this lesson and that He still thinks I’m worth the work.
He is so faithful, and I am so blessed.