1. Testicle bill dangles over Fla. legislators
State reps from Miami are always up for some bill dangling over them.
2. Cops: Carjacker asks TV crew for directions
Being the anti-cop, liberal yahoos that television reporters are, the crew members sent them in the direction opposite of jail.
3. Chicago mayor arms cops with M4 rifle
The cops have now been ordered to add, “Who’s your daddy?” to the end of the Miranda.
4. Chinese eatery specializes in penis
Is that why I like Chinese food?
5. Beaver rampages through Russian store
Never make a beaver angry. I’m just sayin’.
6. Father of 77 rejects polygamy
Hmm. . .how convenient. He gets 11 wives and 77 kids and says, “I’m done.” What was it all thrills and fun until number 76? Seventy-seven just pushed him over the edge, eh?
7. India police nab sperm theft suspect
Did they give him the squeeze? Oh, and ewwww!
8. Arrest warrant issued for ‘Darth Vader’
No one has volunteered to issue that warrant, of course.
9. Police: Man tried to take M&M statue
In an odd twist, it melted in his hands.
10. Work Stress Pushes People To Junk Food
Now, from the school administrators can be really stupid file:
11 students suspended for banana prank
ZION, Ill., April 23 (UPI) — A Zion, Ill., high school has suspended 11 seniors involved in a prank that featured a student in a gorilla costume chasing banana-clad seniors in the hallways.
Zion-Benton Township High School handed seven-day suspensions to the costumed students, who phoned in sick before the stunt and wore pantyhose over their heads to conceal their identities during the prank, the Waukegan (Ill.) News-Sun reported Wednesday.
Some of the students said the school overreacted with the harsh punishment.
“What’s funnier than a gorilla chasing bananas through a school? Nothing,” said Andrew Leinonen, the prank’s mastermind and the student who dressed as a gorilla. “It was a harmless prank.”
However, others said they were just thankful the school decided not to bar them from prom and graduation.
“We think this is a just punishment,” said Brendon Epker, one of the students who dressed as bananas. “We broke rules we shouldn’t have broken.”