Yay!!!! Rachel was the 10,000th hit at First In!!!!!!! Congratulations, Captain!
First, I’d like to acknowledge some actual good news in the headlines: “U.S. death toll in Iraq for July hit 8-month low”
I hear the “surge” is doing well and that morale is up, too.
Ok….this is my day. It is laugh-worthy:
I take my dad out to lunch once a week and today was the day. As soon as he gets in the car, he’s in a mood. My dad doesn’t handle disappointment well. He has how he sees the world should operate and when it doesn’t….grrrrrrrr and sometimes approaching meltdown. So the repairman didn’t come as promised, when promised and that makes him want to get rid of the house. Yeah. My dad has cognitive issues and I know how to work with him, but your average person, unless a good people person and observant, won’t catch on and will just think he’s an overly friendly guy. It hurts to see how people react to him somtimes.
So…..he asks how my car is running while we’re sitting at a light. I state, “It needs an oil change real soon, but other than that…fine.” (We’ll get back to this later.)
We get to the diner and my dad takes a shine to the waitress. Not unusual, as he is 20 year old guy stuck in a 68 year old’s body. I get uncomfortable when my dad chats women up in front of me (actually hasn’t happened in a while). I think part of it has to do with why my mom left my dad. But it also has to do with all the times my dad had me out with him on a Saturday (as per the judge’s orders for visitation) and he’d scope out the “talent” wherever we went…well a lot of the time. I remember going to some kind of parade/bluegrass festival when I was little and my dad picked up the lady standing next to us. We ended up having dinner at her house. Her kids were around my age, so me, being the good-natured kid, always had fun with them. I actually liked her and they dated for a long time. Another time that I remember is when we went to an air show when I was 19/20 years old. I thought it would be nice to take my dad to see the Blue Angels. He left me alone for almost an hour to go chat up the female Golden Knights.
So, I just felt really weird sitting there with my dad and him getting flirty with the waitress. She turned out to be quite a motormouth and you could see him get a little uncomfortable. HA! She kept talking about her church and discipleship classes, too. He’s not so much a church-goer. I got a giggle at the end.
I drop my dad off and he is in a good mood. My next errand is to take my mom out for an interview outfit for a job fair, tomorrow. CAN YOU FREAKIN’ BELIEVE IT??!?!?!?!?!?!? Yes, my mom has started looking for a job after 2 1/2 years. YAY!
This part is the “RT’s” luck section:
We stop at the post office so I can mail my bills. I try to put down my window and well, it gets stuck. Then it finally goes down and stays down…won’t go back up. So much for everything being fine with my car, eh?
Immediatley, my mom said, “Let’s just go home.” Having recently recovered my spunk I said, “No. I’m going to buy you an outfit and lunch (don’t worry I didn’t eat two lunches) and then we’ll drop the car off at the dealership.”
Which I did. Then I explained to my mom that I’ve been living in fear, with a defeatist attitude and it is time that it stopped. Three years is enough. After all, God is in control. 🙂
Hope you got a little laugh at my day. I did.
What Are Big Girls Made Of?
The construction of a woman:
a woman is not made of flesh
of bone and sinew
belly and breasts, elbows and liver and toe.
She is manufactured like a sports sedan.
She is retooled, refitted and redesigned
Cecile had been seduction itself in college.
She wriggled through bars like a satin eel,
her hips and ass promising, her mouth pursed
in the dark red lipstick of desire.
She visited in ’68 still wearing skirts
tight to the knees, dark red lipstick,
while I danced through Manhattan in mini skirt,
lipstick pale as apricot milk,
hair loose as a horse’s mane. Oh dear,
I thought in my superiority of the moment,
whatever has happened to poor Cecile?
She was out of fashion, out of the game,
disqualified, disdained, dis-
membered from the club of desire.
Look at pictures in French fashion
magazines of the 18th century:
century of the ultimate lady
fantasy wrought of silk and corseting.
Paniers bring her hips out three feet
each way, while the waist is pinched
and the belly flattened under wood.
The breasts are stuffed up and out
offered like apples in a bowl.
The tiny foot is encased in a slipper
never meant for walking.
On top is a grandiose headache:
hair like a museum piece, daily
ornamented with ribbons, vases,
grottoes, mountains, frigates in full
sail, balloons, baboons, the fancy
of a hairdresser turned loose.
The hats were rococo wedding cakes
that would dim the Las Vegas strip.
Here is a woman forced into shape
rigid exoskeleton torturing flesh:
a woman made of pain.
How superior we are now: see the modern woman
thin as a blade of scissors.
She runs on a treadmill every morning,
fits herself into machines of weights
and pulleys to heave and grunt,
an image in her mind she can never
approximate, a body of rosy
glass that never wrinkles,
never grows, never fades. She
sits at the table closing her eyes to food
hungry, always hungry:
a woman made of pain.
A cat or dog approaches another,
they sniff noses. They sniff asses.
They bristle or lick. They fall
in love as often as we do,
as passionately. But they fall
in love or lust with furry flesh,
not hoop skirts or push up bras
rib removal or liposuction.
It is not for male or female dogs
that poodles are clipped
to topiary hedges.
If only we could like each other raw.
If only we could love ourselves
like healthy babies burbling in our arms.
If only we were not programmed and reprogrammed
to need what is sold us.
Why should we want to live inside ads?
Why should we want to scourge our softness
to straight lines like a Mondrian painting?
Why should we punish each other with scorn
as if to have a large ass
were worse than being greedy or mean?
When will women not be compelled
to view their bodies as science projects,
gardens to be weeded,
dogs to be trained?
When will a woman cease
to be made of pain?
1. Report: Astronauts drank before launch
“Dude, where’s my ssssshuttle?” OR I’d have to be blitzed to strap a Roman candle to my back.
2. Pond bacterium converts light to energy
Attn: Deathlok and JohnD!!!! No need to clean your pools–you can now say your bacteria ridden pools are a source of energy!
3. Giant prehistoric tusks found in Greece
They are horny in Greece? Really? No. Really? Well, Tommy Lee is Greek.
4. Prankster dentist who gave woman tusks wins in court
Ummm….what’s with the trend-o-tusks?
5. Researchers find evidence of hidden city
That’s not a hidden city. That’s the dark underbelly of the liberal society. They breed in secret and just appear out of nowhere to confuse and destroy.
6. Matt Groening, Grabbing for Laughs in the Darkness
Note to self: When sitting in the dark with a guy…
7. Virgin secret to good festival weather
They tried to get the secret out, but the virgin wouldn’t give it up.
8. Toronto man offers “My Left Nut” as cancer potion
Potion? So, I guess it would be administered by mouth?
9. Woman Banned For Life From WAL-MART…
Ok. How low on the food chain do you have to be to get banned from WalMart for life? Did she not greet the greeter? That’s something that would happen to Peg Bundy.
10. Edwards bikes with Lance Armstrong: ‘The biggest problem is my butt hurts’…
Yeah, from getting kicked in it so much. Ok, you are riding a bike with a Tour de France winner who is also a cancer survivor. You whine about your ass hurting? Douchebag.
11. Tenn. Bans Prison Visitors From Wearing Sexy Lingerie
Phewwww…good thing I went down there before the ban. I have heard, however, that the ban doesn’t extend to “Tranny Tuesdays” in “D” block. (I really shouldn’t be joking about prisons right now.)
12. Speaker Pelosi Named One Of Capitol Hill’s Most Beautiful People…
Then the “judges” who named Pelosi as such returned for another stint at rehab, hoping they’d make better choices in the future.
13. Japanese Launch gPod ‘iVibrator’ for Women
Does it play music?
14. Gabor’s husband found sitting naked in Rolls
15. Hotels told to provide condoms
Another amenity I won’t need.
16. Canadian Mounties chase rebel bees after hive coup d’etat
Dudley-do-right reported that the sting to catch the queen bee of the Dasterdly Drone gang was a success.
17. Armed Preacher Nabs Theft Suspect
Talk about being on a mission from God.
18. Man Blames Bad Nose for Not Smelling Dead Wife’s Body
Man: “I just thought she was taking a really long nap. I kept wondering when she was gonna make dinner.”
19. Scientists breed world’s first mentally ill mouse…
Disney plans a new character: Twitchy
20. Clinton camp hot and bothered over cleavage report…
If somebody is hot and bothered over Hillary’s cleavage, there is hope for me!
1. In case you didn’t hear. Paul Stanley’s heart went a little bonkers.
2. I really like this song, but video is cheesy. However, boys, there are some girls sparring in a very choreographed manner.
3. I wonder if the guy who directed and/or provided the vision for Kiss’ video also directed the vision for this Motley Crue video?
P.S. Someone please tell me why the whole “rip-in-the-knees” of jeans is so hot.