Lots of thinking, today…

The past few weeks, I’ve been asking God to make me into the godly woman I need to be.

Lately, I’ve felt like I am becoming more and more self-absorbed. Pride creeps in, and I think I haven’t really noticed that, in me, until now.

To be honest, I don’t know how it happened. I do know that how much I am concerned about myself and how others view me, rather than see me as an extension of God’s love is bothering me.

As I was sitting in church, today, I kind of got lost in thought. I was thinking about how some people just seem to be a beacon of selflessness and an example of God’s love. There is a pure gentleness and natural love coming from them. I don’t see that in me.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to be those things. I want to be all about others and their needs before my own. In reality, if I do that, God will see to my needs and will bless me…but why can’t I get myself out of my shell to love on folks as I should?

Simple answer:  Fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of not measuring up. Fear of doing something wrong, even out of good intentions. Just stupid fear. I can see it in how I fear about my appearance, and how I fret over how others will see me. I see it in how I fret over how people will react to what I say or do.

Fear is not of God, and to top it off, something I never thought of is that all of this fear and fretting has lead to self-centeredness and pride. even a lack of modesty.

The things that I want in life are walking six paces behind fear, pride and the self-absorbed nature that comes from it.

I want God-centered relationships that are based on His love and provision, not what I can do, but that I am being used to provide love and care, because it is a calling from God.
I want to share my blessings and talents; however, there is a lot that I keep to myself…out of fear.

I want those around me to see God through me, and to want Him in their lives in a very real way.

When I do things to bring attention on myself, it no longer becomes about God, whether it be in how I am dressed, how I’ve done up and fancied my face or even in how I do my job.

Pride is pride. I need to be more about gratitude, love and service…all with the quiet, gentle spirit I am supposed to have.

All of this began with a seed of thought about modesty…it led from modesty of appearance ot modesty of thoughts.

I hope this is the beginning to me becomming a better person. I am grateful that God has taught me this lesson and that He still thinks I’m worth the work.

He is so faithful, and I am so blessed.

4 thoughts on “Lots of thinking, today…

  1. This is an awesome post, Donna. I think if we would all take a look at ourselves we would see somewhere pride has taken root…or at least is trying to. Pride takes on so many different forms. You talked a lot about fear. I am a people pleaser by nature; I liked the thought about not worrying so much about how others perceive me/you and how we should concentrate more on just being an extension of God’s love. I know I have that attitude about wanting to be an extension of God’s love (a true sincere desire)…but if I look a little deeper I also see where I am also too concerned sometimes about how others do or will view me because of my nature. Oh that we would spend so much time with the Lord that HE becomes our confidence….thereby alleviating fear/pride/selfishness that by nature we tend towards. Loved the post! I trust you are doing well.

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