HEADLINES!!!!!!!!!

1. CHER RIPS PALIN: ‘A dumb woman is a dumb woman’...
She should know.

2. Pelosi in Denial: ‘We’re On Pace to Maintain a Majority’…
See…she just got a little confused. She overheard people calling them all asses, and she thought, “Yeah, Democrats are donkeys; therefore, we are all asses, making us the majority.”

3. Cops: ‘Superheroes’ brawl at Conn. parking garage
It all started when the Wonder Twins ganged up on Robin. Poor Robin.

4. Man Arrested For Wearing A Mask On Halloween…
Officials plan to pinch Santa and the Easter Bunny when the right time presents itself.

5. City orders weeping statue’s removal
Well, now it is going to cry. Meanies.

6. McDonald’s brings back a cult classic: the McRib
The McBypass is not far behind.

7. US Mideast policy unaffected by mid-term polls: official
We have a policy? News to me.

8. London says Iran stoning execution would be ‘unacceptable’
Yeah, that’s the kind of language that is going to convince them that their backward, murderous ways are insane.

9. Zombies always get students attention
Well, duh! They are so much alike: blood-shot eyes, that glazed over look, walking aimlessly and willingness to eat anything that moves.

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