During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Today, I was reading Mark 5. Within that chapter of the Bible are miracles of healing and resurrection, provided to those who believed in Christ’s power to meet their needs, dire needs.
I’ve been in deep thought about some things in my life, lately. I had an opportunity to do something a year ago that I didn’t do, instead taking what I was a safer, more responsible route. Now, I’m faced with decisions again, because I might have not done what I was supposed to do. (Confused? Don’t be, I just don’t want to talk about it right now…sorting things out with God requires some quiet from the outside world at times.)
What I want to get across, from what I have been experiencing and have been coming to understand about myself, has been rising to the top this week: I’m easily led by fear.
It has been a life-long battle for me. Fear of the dark, fear of strangers, fear of being seen as stupid, fear of rejection, fear of wrong decisions, fear of flying, fear of God’s wrath because I was selfish and did everything wrong…you name it…fear. To make the decisions I have to make will require me getting over myself and fully trusting God. About two years ago, I was willing to take a leap of faith, got scared and used my circumstances to do otherwise.
Fear…willy nilly…weak—knee’d…fear of screwing up.
And in that, all of my good intentions have led to fear-driven errors on my part. In short-term things, I show some spunk. Long-term? Not-so-much.
Ironic, ain’t it? 🙂
So, back to Mark 5. As I was reading it with new eyes apart from the child who heard the stories in Sunday school, I understood the importance of Jesus’ words: “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Just show that faith; God is there to hold my hand as I take that leap, right?
“He’s in Control”—Austin Bridge