1. 911 caller: Husband won’t eat dinner.
911 Operator: “Ma’am, did you try the no-fail airplane flying into the hangar trick?”
2. Report: Wife strangles husband for not sleeping in same room as her.
Nothing says, “Come to bed, lover,” like physical violence. Meanwhile, she sounds like a perfect match for Charlie Sheen.
3. Man with knife in chest walks into diner, gets coffee
Eh, well, it’s just a flesh wound…a scratch.
4. Not again! Giant Swedish Christmas goat statue gets torched
See, if they’d just stick with the Swedish fish, everything would be okay. Who can fit a whole goat into his mouth, anyway. Geesh, that is just not practical.
5. Bar sued over falling moose
There is nothing worse than a moose that doesn’t know his limits and then turns around and sues the bar. AA, buddy, AA.
And here are some stupid criminals to top off things: