1. A Thanksgiving proclamation from President Obama
“The Turkey Task Force has decided that all turkeys should forgo visits with the vet and should just report to the farmer to donate some blood the last Thursday of every November.”
2. The Ultimate Insider Black Friday Guide: Where to Go for the Best Deals
Don’t go shopping. That is a great way to save money!
3. Moldova feeds soldiers garlic, onion to beat swine flu
Well, it thwarted vampires.
4. Arkansas cop tasers 10-year-old girl–at mother’s direction…
Dang. Good thing I didn’t grow up in Arkansas, as I would have been tasered so much that I would have been able to light a small city.
5. Cuba: Military exercise braces island for US attack…
Really, Sean Penn isn’t to be feared. He’s one of you. His smell might seem like chemical warfare, though.
6. Survey: 58 percent plan turkey day naps
Ooooooooo….more turkey and mashed potatoes for me, then!
7. FBI seeks ‘Geezer Bandit
Someone is stealing old people?
8. Police: Body parts sold to kebab stand
Just don’t tell me what the meatball kebabs are. Thanks.
9. Zoo selling reindeer poo necklaces
Nothing says Christmas like giving someone poo. Gee, do you think perfume will be given along with them?
10. Cops on trail of “gingerbread town” vandals
Reportedly, the houses were tagged by the Hansel and Gretel gang in blue icing.