Some slightly bent humor

Employee Reference
At times I was asked to provide references for former employees by companies considering hiring them.

On one firm’s form was the question: “Was this person a steady worker?”

Since the guy was a well-known do-nothing, I entered, “Not just steady, but motionless” in the space provided.

Blonde Cookbook
It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

Bad Day and the Dwarf
I rear-ended a car this morning. I knew it was going to be a REALLY bad day. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!

He looked up at me and said, “I am NOT happy!”

So I said, “Well, which one ARE you then?”

That’s how the fight started.