Sometimes I get really frustrated and need to whine and feel sorry for myself.
Sometimes I use this blog to think out loud. Today, is one of those days.
Can’t lose weight.
Get stared at and sometimes hear comments meant for me not to hear.
So…then I get depressed.
Cry, because I can’t lose weight and people don’t understand (except my cousin).
Everybody says to be patient.
Everybody else doing what I’m doing would be a stick figure.
My body hurts from all of the exercise and from the hypothyroid. I haven’t known a day without an ache for five years.
Being a little emotional is one of the symptoms, too.
So is the fatigue.
The scattered-brain is returning, too.
The worst part is that I just had my blood work done and it is “within range”. I don’t see the endocrinologist until January.
All I want to do is curl up and sleep 24/7, despite the exercise.
It isn’t about the cosmetic stuff. I’d be happy at 180 pounds, with a little junk in the trunk. But, I want to be at a healthy weight, without all of the fluid on my legs.
So, people look at me: fat, lazy, stupid. When I know I’m going to the gym, working with a trainer 3-4 days a week, eating really well about 90-95 percent of the time, and I work my butt off with school, the gym, keeping up with my dad, and trying to have a social life (still almost non-existent). And I’m not stupid.
All I want is to be healthy and for someone to tell me I look nice and not sound shocked when they say it. (Piece of advice: Don’t ever say, “Wow! You look professional,” in a tone that sounds like it was an impossible thing that happened.)
I’m tired of being a bloated, giggly mess. I’m tired of not having a special someone to look forward to seeing or talk to.
I’m just tired.
I’m not ungrateful for the awesome and many blessings I have. I just want to be healthy to enjoy them and share them with someone.