Whinnnnnnne

Sometimes I get really frustrated and need to whine and feel sorry for myself.

Sometimes I use this blog to think out loud.  Today, is one of those days.

Can’t lose weight.
Fatigued.
Fat.
Get stared at and sometimes hear comments meant for me not to hear.
So…then I get depressed.
Feel fatigued.
Cry, because I can’t lose weight and people don’t understand (except my cousin).
Everybody says to be patient.
Everybody else doing what I’m doing would be a stick figure.
Still fat.
Tired.
Sad.
My body hurts from all of the exercise and from the hypothyroid.  I haven’t known a day without an ache for five years.
Being a little emotional is one of the symptoms, too.
So is the fatigue.
The scattered-brain is returning, too.

The worst part is that I just had my blood work done and it is “within range”.  I don’t see the endocrinologist until January.

All I want to do is curl up and sleep 24/7, despite the exercise.

It isn’t about the cosmetic stuff.  I’d be happy at 180 pounds, with a little junk in the trunk.  But, I want to be at a healthy weight, without all of the fluid on my legs.

So, people look at me:  fat, lazy, stupid.  When I know I’m going to the gym, working with a trainer 3-4 days a week, eating really well about 90-95 percent of the time, and I work my butt off with school, the gym, keeping up with my dad, and trying to have a social life (still almost non-existent).  And I’m not stupid.

All I want is to be healthy and for someone to tell me I look nice and not sound shocked when they say it.  (Piece of advice:  Don’t ever say, “Wow!  You look professional,” in a tone that sounds like it was an impossible thing that  happened.)

I’m tired of being a bloated, giggly mess.  I’m tired of not having a special someone to look forward to seeing or talk to.

I’m just tired.

I’m not ungrateful for the awesome and many blessings I have.  I just want to be healthy to enjoy them and share them with someone.

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