2. Chavez says Obama ‘lost in space’…
While I wouldn’t argue with his assertion, I dare say that Chavez is on Fantasy Island.
3. BUDGET BLOWOUT: CHICAGO GOV’T CLOSED ON MONDAY…
Chicago politics never closes, though.
4. Woman pregnant with 12 babies…
Upon seeing this news, Kate and Octomom were seen entering their local IVF clinic.
5. Hurricane Bill on Atlantic track toward Bermuda
After his whirlwind vacation in Las Vegas to celebrate his trip to North Korea, Bill has decided to check out the island babes.
6. Amish newspaper succeeds the old-fashioned way
They focus on local, breaking news: “Josiah Stolzfus bought a new cow, today. His ice cream production is expected to double.” (If you’ve ever had Amish ice cream, you’d know what a good-news story that would be!
7. DJ beaten for shaking up Bedouin wedding in Israel
When will disc jockeys learn that it is dumb to make folks prance around with a blow-up guitar and oversized sunglasses.
8. Return to sender: 2 Austrians rescued from mailbox
Isn’t a postcard go enough?
9. Forty years later, what part of Woodstock lives on?
The stench of hippies, the idea that you can have sex with anyone without consequences, and Nancy Pelosi’s padded bra.
10. Clever cat earns ‘high school diploma’ online
His favorite piece of literature to study was Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.