Stupid guy: Yeah, uh…I’d like to report an attempted robbery.
Stupid guy: Over at the Citibank on Idiot Ave. and Dumbass Blvd.
Officer: Is it in progress?
Stupid guy: No, sir.
Officer: Can you describe the robber?
Stupid guy: Yeah, he looks like me.
Officer: Could you elaborate please?
Stupid guy: Well, actually, you see, I’m the robber. Well, I tried to be.
Officer: What the heck?
Stupid guy: I tried to rob the bank, the teller walked away, and I didn’t get the money.
Officer: So, let me get this straight. You fail at life, fail at being a robber, and you call law enforcement to confess?
Stupid guy: Yeah.
Officer: Well, are you going to come in or do I have to get you?
Here’s another failed robbery attempt: