HEADLINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyatt could not be reached for comment.

Wyatt could not be reached for comment.

1.  Climate change shrinks Scottish sheep
Is the heat shrinking the wool?

2.  How to dine out without hurting your heart
Stare at the menu.

3.  Health care: Is Canada’s system better?
Uh, based on my family’s experience…NOPE.

4.  150 people fall ill on virus-struck cruise ship in Scotland…
It is the haggis, I tell ya!

5.  Police foil radio control zeppelin jailbreak
Communication Breakdown”?

6.  Man sets record for running while on fire
Richard Pryor could not be reached for comment.

7.  Rollercoaster cited as world’s steepest
It’s riders–the most idiotic.

8. Implanted tooth helps man see again
Was it an eye-tooth?

9. Man accidentally cuts off own penis
Well, that’s a little more than just a minor flesh wound, huh?

10.  From ‘Saturday Night Live’ to the U.S. Senate
Now it truly is “the not-ready-for-prime-time players”.  A bunch of jokers and bad actors.

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