1. Can Gitmo’s terrorists be rehabilitated?
Ummm, gonna go out on a limb, here….99 percent of them? NOPE!
2. HAPPY DAYS WILL BE HERE AGAIN
YAY! Fonzie will be mackin’ on all the ladies at the reitrement home! I wonder if Leather Tuscadero will be there to entertain in the day room. (You know, when my grandmom was in an assisted living home, I’d walk by the day room and hear the folks singing songs from the ’30s, ’40s and such…made me wonder what my generation will be singing in the home…Madonna? Maiden?)
3. Men charged with taking tourists on police chase
Huh? You mean that 100 mph excursion down 1-95 wasn’t part of the “Philly pay-for-two-get-three nights special”? Dang.
4. Man tries to rob hotel with a butter knife
“Give me all of your cream cheese, or the bagel gets it!”
5. Food Fight: Couple Accused of Assault Using Cheetos
It’s not easy being a cheetah.
6. Pastor Welcomes Gun Owners to Bring Their Handguns to Church
He best not go past 12:00 p.m., though. People get itchy around that time.
7. White House announces new lighting standards…
Keeping us in the dark is nothing new, guys.
8. Thief nabbed selling stolen mower to owner
“Hey, dude. You wanna buy a mower?”
“Yeah. Mine got stolen the other day. How much you want?”
“Let me see it first….HEY! That’s my mower you moron!”
“It has my name on it and it is pink. How many mowers do you see that are pink? Huh?”
9. Worm charmer, 10, sets new record
I don’t even know what to say. Is worm charming the minor-league for snake charming?
10. NYC bondage block party avoids complaints
Well, are you going to complain to people armed with whips, chains, and cuffs?