a ahead1.  Nixon Library Releases New Tapes…
Unfortunately, they are in 8-track and no one has a 8-track player available.

2.  Report: Kim Jong Il puts son as head of spy agency
Now he’s waiting by the mailbox for his super-deluxe decoder ring!

3.  Boozy Aussies get ‘on the wagon’ for charity
Unfortunately, they weren’t quite sobered up and the wagon crashed into a eucalyptus tree….the koalas weren’t impressed.

4.  Police search for naked french fry thief
Also added to the list were the milkshake mugger, the cheeseburger charlatan, and the nugget nabber.

5.  Birds dive-pecking deli customers
Well, everyone thing under the sun must get a hankering for a sammie every now and then.

6.  Prehistoric flute in Germany is oldest known musical instrument
Word on the street is that Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull lost it while running from a T-Rex one day one his way home from school.  (I’m sure that is missing commas…I’m on vacation.)

7.  Woman pleads no contest in chips-for-sex case
Wow!  Guess you can’t eat just on Lay’s chip.  Wonder what they are putting on those chips.  Crack?

8.  334 bunnies found in woman’s yard
You’re supposed to hide eggs, not bunnies…DUH!

9.  Russia communists turn to Stalin to fight crisis
Hmmm….”What would Stalin do?”
a.  executions
b.  labor camps
c.  create a famine to kill folks
d.  all of the above

10.  Police poem taunts prisoner
Roses are red.  Violets are blue.
You’re stuck in the hoosegow, and I laugh at you!


One thought on “HEADLINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1. I’m hanging my head as I say I have an 8-track player that still works.

    I love your take on the news, RT. I think you should write the news for their headlines all the time.

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