Hello, and welcome to British Airways. We, here, on the deck of this beautiful plane would like to thank you for your patronage. My name is Fiona, and I am the lead flight attendant. Please give me your undivided attention as I provide you with information you will need in the event of an emergency. We also have some new policies regarding our role in serving you. You see, we’ve been asked to work for free for a month.
First, if we make a quick descent, the oxygen masks will fall from the overhead compartment. You’ll figure out how to use them. We’ll be strapping on our parachutes.
Next, in case of a water landing, put your head between your legs and kiss your butt good-bye. Solly isn’t our pilot and well, we’re working for free, so you’ll have to figure it out for yourselves.
Finally, if you want food, drinks, pillows, blankets, a warm towel, or something to shut your screaming kid up for the flight, you are welcome to go to the galley and find what you need. Don’t worry about paying for it. Consider us even.
The captain will let you know when you may unbuckle your seatbelts. You’ll find us in first-class watching a movie. Well, you didn’t expect to work for free, did you?