1. Feds plug leak: Alleged elevator urinator charged
Figures the only leak the government can ever stop is one involving a mad urinator.
2. Police say Pa. woman fired shot near son’s feet
Well, that will teach the kid to not take his tap dancing lessons seriously. She had to force him to practice.
3. Man, 81, charged for clearing pothole for repair
Darn the gumption of a guy from the greatest generation!
4. Show me the money: 5th-graders pick winning stocks
Apparently, some folks on Wall St. aren’t smarter than a fifth grader. (You know you saw that coming.)
5. Councilwoman’s home assessed as empty lot
Stupid reporter got the story wrong: “Councilwoman’s BRAIN assessed as empty lot.” I dare say a lot of politicians are getting that assessment.
6. What could possibly go wrong?
Really, do you want the list? If it is me…
a. I’ll trip and fall.
b. I’ll get a huge goober zit.
c. The overhyped event will suck.
d. all of the above.
7. FBI tape: Burris pleads for Senate job
Burris: Please, oh please let me be senator! I have all those things on my mausoleum. You know the one I’ve had built, where I’m not buried yet. I’ll give your campaign money. I’ll do it in someone else’s name. PLEASE!!!!! C’mon, this is Chicago politics for Pete’s sake!
8. Giant blob found deep beneath Nevada
Henry Reid’s self-respect? (He really is a dufus. Didn’t he represent mobsters in the past? Seriously, I remember watching a feature on him on 60 Minutes or something many years ago that focused on that aspect of his defense of criminals.)
9. Opposites attract in human search for mate
Dangit! No wonder I so fail! I like people who are like me, who have similar interests, and the same beliefs (or something like that). Grrrrrrrrr!
10. Army Chief: Troops Could Be in Iraq for Decade
Did Obama get the memo? Because his “I’m still campaigning for the job” speeches state otherwise. God bless him if he can end things earlier, but yeah, I think the buck was passed. You notice this wasn’t huge news.
(Seriously, am I the only one who thought this from day one? I thought it would take 7-10 years.)
Oh, and for more smiles and giggles: North Korea has restarted a nuclear plant. YAY! /snark.