Trying to become fearless…

Last night when I was at the gym I learned that I am too fearful.  It is not that I don’t want to try new things or challenge myself.  I just become a tad bit skeerd, because of the problems I have had over the past five years.  Until this past summer, I really couldn’t do much walking.  When I was away, I made a point of going out almost everyday, even if it was to walk around a grocery store.  Usually, though, I tried to opt for malls.  Window-shopping kept me occupied and fooled me into doing more than I thought I was capable.  Stamina was pretty low, though.

Since October, I’ve worked with my trainer.  He has helped me to build confidence in myself and has pushed me, knowing that I’m capable of more than I think.  He knows when I’m not up to the task and doesn’t badger me; however, he is very encouraging and does push.

Lately, he’s been having me do step-ups on a jumpboard like the one pictured below.

a ajump
The platform is about 12 inches high, and for a while, the trainer had me grabbing onto a pillar, since I have one leg that lags behind the other in strength.  Last night, though, he said he wanted me to try just stepping up, but in front of a wall.  After a case of the giggles (do that when I get nervous or if I’m scared) I did 30 reps of each leg.  He doesn’t want me to be afraid, because he thinks I can do it.  Finally, I am realizing that I can.  I even did the task with a bit of speed, which made him very happy.

I need to get over my fears, but I spent so many years in pain.  Often I was in pain everyday.  Lately, the pain isn’t as bad and I ignore it most of the time.

Actually, I am really looking forward to the summer.  God-willing I will be at the gym a lot…it is my happy place.

I told Pinboy that I tell people on my Facebook that “I heart my trainer”.  I mean it in the most sincere way, too.  He doesn’t get grumpy with me, and he is always positive.  He even ribs me when I don’t do as well as I did during a previous session.   Most importantly, he is making me see that I’m stronger than I thought.

It is good to have someone in my corner, and to have folks like you pulling for my success.  I appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement.  This hasn’t been easy, but I am learning to believe that I can do this.

I think I’m finally ready for those push-ups.

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