HEADLINES!!!!!!!!!!!!

a-aheadline1.  Human-like robot smiles, scolds in classroom…
Dangit, my secret is out!

2.  Downturn hits SESAME STREET…
I hear Miss Piggy has been forced to pawn her jewels and furs.  Kermit had to sell his bike, and Snuffleugpagas will no longer be able to see his shrink.

3.  Clinton tells how she fell for Bill “long ago”
Yeah, he pushed her into a fountain while he was chasing after another girl in law school.

4.  Vasectomy boom as economy goes bust
Stock in frozen peas is through the roof.  Heh.

5.  DUI defendant claims that he’s his own country
The police promptly declared a coup, took possession of the country, and fined him for being a drunken arse.

6.  Man allegedly stole car to drive to court
Then, after court, he robbed a bank to pay his fines.

7.  Report: Happier, healthier in the West
I’m always in the wrong place.  Grrrrrrrr!

8.  NHL GMs propose rules to curb fights
Didn’t they try this a few years ago?  IT DIDN’T WORK!  How about the NHL work on a way to make the game more visible and “must see” television.  I started to watch the Carolina/Blackhawks game last night and snoooooooooooze the commentators were boring.  I had to change the channel.

9.  Japanese Team Fights ‘Curse of Colonel Sanders’
Apparently their record has left them fried and extra-crispy.

10.  Former Gitmo Prisoner Loves His iPhone
Mullah Abdul Salaam Zaeef says he uses his iPhone to surf the Internet and find difficult locations, employing the built-in GPS.
Great.  A terrorist has GPS to find DIFFICULT LOCATIONS!  Gee, could he be looking to hook back up with Uncle Osama?

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One thought on “HEADLINES!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1. I’ll help you with a hit–in a day, I should be at 1,000. yippie.
    Anyway, I really miss the Weekly World News–especially the Bat Boy’s escapades and the Space Aliens consulting with Elvis and JFK.
    Hey maybe that Gitmo guy with the GPS can find the “Moderate Taliban.”

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