1. BIG TAX BREAK: WORKERS GET $13 MORE A WEEK
What to do!??! Hmmm….I could fill up my tank. Uh…no. I could take someone out to dinner. Uh…no. Boy those working families are getting a big boost, eh? /snark.
2. Indians to market cow urine as answer to Coke…
Yum! Nothing like a good piss in the morning to get you going! What?
3. PAPER: US concerned over prospect of right-wing government in Israel…
Afraid a government has the balls to stick up for itself? Say it isn’t so! Heh.
5. Favorite passwords: “1234” and “password”
Mine is: KeepURhandsoffmycrrrrapordie!
6. Police: Man lets boy drive for a ‘bonding moment’
What the man didn’t count on was the bond created when the boy became implanted into a tree. That was a bond to never be broken.
7. Man runs out of gas after robbing gas station
Can’t they execute people for being this stupid during the commission of a crime?
8. Fake Foreigner drummer allegedly steals Corvette
What? Was he a dirty white boy feeling hot-blooded and thought the car would help with his desire to live like a jukebox hero? Guess he felt it was urgent that he have that car, huh?
9. Chavez says ridiculous opposition good for your health
Okay, then…I oppose French toast. It is foul!
10. N.C. racers run 2 miles, eat 12 donuts, run back
Uh…they know they could have driven to Krispy Kreme, right?