When Chip received his bonus, he was also given a box to bring home his personal items from his job. He’d been, (how do I say this?), laid off.
How could he get laid off? He’s a top money-maker for his firm! He knows I have a standard of living to keep. How awful, and how stupid of him!
How will I tell the girls at lunch tomorrow? Imagine, sitting there at the Plaza eating our spa lunch before we have our weekly spa day. What? Will I now only have $100 to tip my girl? How humiliating! I will probably have to start getting pedicures once a month instead of once a week! Chip’s inability to make the proper income will force me to have to *gasp* stop getting facials. Oh, I’m so sad.
But, wait! That’s not all. The more I think about this the more I see how awful my life will be if Chip doesn’t find a job that pays him enough to give me my weekly allowance.
No more assistant to do my shopping for me. I will have to go to a gym instead of having my trainer come to my home.
The worst part is that I will now have to buy off of the rack rather than at the showrooms of designers. I really hate how poly-cotton blends make me itch!
How am I going to survive!?!?!?
What? Will I know have to fly coach? Will I have to take that smelly subway? Will I have to turn down offers for cocktail parties in the Hamptons? What will I ever do if I can’t go to the Hamptons?
The kids will have to go to public school! PUBLIC SCHOOL! The only thing they learn in public school is how to curse, drink and do drugs! Affluent people like us don’t drink and do drugs! I’ll even have to watch my kids when they get home from school. Hey, I said I’d have them so that we could be seen at recitals and network to move up the social ladder. I never said I’d take care of them.
Oh, my life is ruined! Where did I put that Valium?
Chip is just going to have realize that he’ll have to work two jobs if he has to, so that I can do the things I’m used to doing.
I truly feel bad for anyone that loses a job. I’ve been in that position a couple of times. However, some people just need to get real about life.