1. Britain’s Prince Edward accused of beating dog with stick
Geesh, Helen Thomas can’t even go to England on vacation.
2. Britain hunting lovelorn beaver
Uh…I’m not touching that one, but it did make me almost spit out my water.
3. Woman allegedly hits man on scooter, goes to salon
Well, she had to wash that man right out of her hair. Literally.
4. Police seek gumball and candy machine thieves
Sugar is the new crack. The purple gumballs seem harmless at first, but then you have to try the red and the blue ones. Before you know it, you are forking over 20 quarters a day.
5. Would-be bride, 107, seeks first husband
SF, looking for SM. Must be 107+ years old. Well, I’ll settle for 100. Don’t want too young of a man. Must like to sit on the porch, take sponge baths, and should be able to drink prune juice without drooling too much.
Hey, it gives me hope. Heh.