Add alcohol, get idiot…I know from experience.

a-homerMini-mart Employee:  Sir, you need to pay for that soda or leave the store.

Drunk Dude:  Eh, I don’t think sooooooooo.  I want my soder (Wisconsin accent).

Employee:  Sir, you need to give us $1.57 for the soda or put it back and leave.

Drunk Dude:  From my cold, dead hands will you take this soda from me.

Employee:  Sir, the cops are on their way.

Drunk Dude:  Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!  I don’t give a cheese head!  I think I’ll sit down, now.  The world is spinning a little.

Employee:  You only need to give us a $1.57, sir.

Drunk Dude:  But I has $70.  How can I give $1.57 if I only haaaassssss $70?

Employee:  Quick!  Somebody stab me in the eye!  NOW!

Drunk Dude:  (Officer enters)  Helllllllooooo Mr. Plissssoff-hiccup-icer.  How may I halep you?

Officer:  Pay the store the $1.57 you owe them or go to jail.

Drunk Dude:  You’re out of order; this whole dang court is out of order!  Atticus Finch!

Officer:  Sir, it’s “Attica,” and you need to come with me.

Drunk Dude:  Yippeeee!!!! Where we going?

Officer:  We are going to go on a ride with bright red and blue lights that ends with a trip to a room with a door with bars on it.  Sound like fun?

Drunk Dude:  Yaaaaaaaaay!  Can I has my soda?

Officer:  If you pay them $1.57 for it.

Drunk Dude:  Nope.  Ain’t gonna do it.

Officer:  Well, then, let’s go for our ride.

Drunk Dude:  Can I get a burrito for the road?

Officer:  Oy.  You have the right to remain silent…

(H/T:  NBC 10)


6 thoughts on “Add alcohol, get idiot…I know from experience.

  1. I like laughing at them as long as they are harmless. Jerky drunks? I’d like to drop kick them. That’s just me, though. I think as we get older our tolerance for shenanigans wears thin.

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