Mini-mart Employee: Sir, you need to pay for that soda or leave the store.
Drunk Dude: Eh, I don’t think sooooooooo. I want my soder (Wisconsin accent).
Employee: Sir, you need to give us $1.57 for the soda or put it back and leave.
Drunk Dude: From my cold, dead hands will you take this soda from me.
Employee: Sir, the cops are on their way.
Drunk Dude: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp! I don’t give a cheese head! I think I’ll sit down, now. The world is spinning a little.
Employee: You only need to give us a $1.57, sir.
Drunk Dude: But I has $70. How can I give $1.57 if I only haaaassssss $70?
Employee: Quick! Somebody stab me in the eye! NOW!
Drunk Dude: (Officer enters) Helllllllooooo Mr. Plissssoff-hiccup-icer. How may I halep you?
Officer: Pay the store the $1.57 you owe them or go to jail.
Drunk Dude: You’re out of order; this whole dang court is out of order! Atticus Finch!
Officer: Sir, it’s “Attica,” and you need to come with me.
Drunk Dude: Yippeeee!!!! Where we going?
Officer: We are going to go on a ride with bright red and blue lights that ends with a trip to a room with a door with bars on it. Sound like fun?
Drunk Dude: Yaaaaaaaaay! Can I has my soda?
Officer: If you pay them $1.57 for it.
Drunk Dude: Nope. Ain’t gonna do it.
Officer: Well, then, let’s go for our ride.
Drunk Dude: Can I get a burrito for the road?
Officer: Oy. You have the right to remain silent…
(H/T: NBC 10)