On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Headlines!!!!!!!!

1.  A mean green ogre named Shrek moves to Broadway
Rosie O’Donnell really needs to stop.  No one wants to see her on any stage.

2.  Bush on farewell visit to Iraq dodges flying shoes
He then proceeded to yell, “Hell yeah,” and busted a can of O’Douls over his forehead.  Well, he thought the Iron Sheik wanted to wrassle.

3.  Nearly frozen sea turtle heading to rehab
He says he took to crack slowly and that the recovery will be a slow and steady race.

4.  Illinois Has Long Been For Sale
Like a $2 whore.

5.  Murder suspect recites Hamlet in film
Maybe she should reenact the scene where Ophelia goes off and drowns herself.

6.  Weight loss easier when you get paid for it
Let the bidding begin!

7.  Politicians may have to take breath test
Well, they are drunk with power.

8.  Report: McCartney says he’s the political Beatle
Dude, Let it be!  You are the old, one of two left Beatles.  (Really, does anyone care what he says?)

9.  Man handcuffs wife to bed, loses key
Dude.  Everyone knows that cuffs come with two keys.  Keep one in a safe place, duh!  What?

10. Pooping Obama is a best-seller
Well, between Blago and the state of the world, he should be able to keep up with demand.